Crap! I’m a wife!

One of the things that we contended with during our engagement was the Mr’s processing of the whole idea of being a husband, questioning whether he had what it takes to be a good husband.   I think it’s a normal question to ask: “Hey, can I really do what I’m committing to doing?” We feel that being able to ask (and answer) the hard questions was what made it possible for us to feel so free of anxiety on our wedding day.

Fast forward two months post-wedding:

I was laying in bed one morning enjoying some snuggly time with my Mr.  Between snoozes I thought about what a wonderful husband he is:  “wow, I am so lucky to wake up with this man holding me….  Thank you, God, that even in the frustrating things we are experiencing that he cares about me/us and hasn’t withdrawn… Oh, that was so great of him to….” Then that rude, jarring, sleep-murdering alarm went off inside me: “oh crap!  I’m a wife!”  For some reason in processing all things wedding and marriage, I never thought about if I have what it takes to be a good wife.  I mean, I thought about it, but suddenly it was all reality and I felt a moment of slight panic as I wondered how I was measuring up… and what was the measure?  What is a good wife??? I was lost.

I have vague notion of what a good wife is, but I have a much clearer picture of what it isn’t.  Through growing up watching my parents and other families, through counseling and doing couples workshops, I mostly took notes on what not to do: yelling, hitting, belittling, ignoring, deceiving, playing power games, …

I could make a whole list of things that I hate (and love) to see in marriages.  Books have given me general guidelines of what is good behavior but honestly I think every woman (and man) would have a differing opinion about what makes a wife “good.” I have no desire to debate the religious or cultural expectations of wives.  A good debate can be fun, but what holds greatest value is what he and I (with God in the mix) determine to be good in our home.

Now, I’m on a mission to discover what my Mr experiences as good.  What is the good that he desires to experience from me, the Mrs?

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Welcome to the Adventure!

I’ve contemplated long and hard about why I am writing this blog.   I attempted to begin this process during the months of my wedding engagement…

Oh how I loved planning my wedding.  I loved  looking at the wedding beauty on sites like “Style Me Pretty” and “Once Wed.” We created our wedding website on WeddingWire.com and I joined the bloggers at GetMarried.com. I’ve enjoyed reading the planning adventures of Bicoastal Bride, Thoughts of an All Consumed Bride, and wish I could have worked out with The Relentless Bride.  My creativity gene was in full mode… until life hit.

During the engagement there were several months of very little wedding planning, and much emotional processing.   There is an emotional side of this marriage journey that starts even before the I Do’s.  My Mr. and I always viewed this relationship as a journey, an adventure. What no one told us is that this adventure of joining two lives can feel downright scary and exhilarating at the same time.

Well, the planning is finished.  Bicoastal Bride, All Consumed Bride, The Relentless Bride, and I are all married now.   I had an amazing wedding weekend and honeymoon.  I L.O.V.E. being married to my Mr.  Both of us found it an amazing experience to wake up on our wedding day without any nervousness or anxiety.  We had earned the emotional freedom to celebrate our day because of the time and energy we had spent facing (and settling) any questions or reserves we had about getting married.

Through this blog I will walk a fine line between being respectful to our privacy as a couple and being truly honest about the transition from total long-term adult independence  (we are 49 & 38 y.o.) to a life as one.

Will you join us for the adventure?

The Mrs.

ps… still looking for just right name for this blog.

If you’ve got a brilliant idea (that I could freely use), please post it in the comments section.

Posted in marriage, newlywed, wedding planning | Tagged , , | Leave a comment